By AMC Projects Assistant Erzë Salihu
I was seven years old and used to being the youngest in the house. My mom’s attention was mine alone – whether it was cooking my favorite meals, picking my outfits or helping me with homework. Life was sweet, but everything changed when she became pregnant.
At first, I didn’t fully understand what it meant. I just knew a baby was growing in her belly. I quickly stepped into the role of “big sister,” imagining where the crib would go, saving snacks for Mom (so he’d get some too), and proudly saying, “My little brother will be here soon, and I’ll take care of him!”
The day Erdi was born was pure joy. I was over the moon, holding him for the first time and telling my mom, “I talked to him when he was in your stomach!”
But reality hit when we got home, and Erdi took my spot sleeping next to Mom at night. I felt jealous and hurt. My mom gently told me, “Erdi needs me more now, and as a big sister, you should understand.” Somehow, I did.
Adjusting to a new baby can be hard for older siblings. They may feel confused, left out or unsure of their place in the family. But with time, love and support, that jealousy can fade.
Here are 10 ways to help your child prepare for the arrival of a new sibling:
Involve them in the preparations – Let them help pick the baby’s name, choose nursery items or join you for prenatal checkups. Including them builds excitement and reinforces their role in the new family dynamic.
Read age‑appropriate books – Stories can help children process their feelings and spark conversation. For toddlers, “I’m a Big Brother” by Joanna Cole can help little ones feel proud and important in their new role. For ages 3–5, “The New Baby” by Mercer Mayer uses humor and honesty to show how babies can be both frustrating and lovable. For ages 5–8, “Julius, the Baby of the World” by Kevin Henkes explores jealousy and sibling rivalry, ending with a heartfelt message about love and acceptance.
Set honest, balanced expectations – Be clear with your child about what life with a new baby will entail: less attention, but also more love and growth. Keep the tone hopeful and affirming.
Preserve routines – Once the baby arrives, keep meal, sleep and play schedules for the older child as consistent as possible. Familiar patterns can provide a sense of security amid the changes that come with a new baby.
Maintain one‑on‑one time – Set aside some time every day to focus on your older child. Just 10 to 15 minutes spent reading, walking or playing their favorite game can make them feel important and loved.
Offer a “big sibling” role – Invite your older child to help out with age-appropriate tasks, such as picking the baby’s clothes or singing a lullaby. Helping makes them feel included, capable and proud, reducing jealousy and building a bond with the baby. Present it as a choice, not a chore. Praise their efforts to boost their confidence and make the “big sibling” role something they enjoy.
Validate their emotions – Acknowledge the jealousy or sadness your older child may be experiencing and allow them to express those feelings safely. Focusing on understanding, instead of punishment, can help them cope.
Avoid comparing your older child to the new baby – Comparisons can hurt the older child’s confidence and lead to jealousy or a sense of competition. Instead, focus on their individual strengths and give praise. Try saying things like “You’re such a great helper” or “I love how gently you play near the baby.” This can help the older child feel valued and secure in their own role.
Make your older child feel special – Tell them stories about when they were little and look through their baby photos together. A symbolic gesture, like giving them a “gift” from the baby, can also ease jealousy and create a sense of connection. These simple acts reassure them that there’s enough love for everyone.
Support emotional resilience & bonding – Model calm emotional regulation and celebrate moments of kindness and connections between siblings. Let the relationship grow naturally, without forcing it.
As for me? It took some time, but my jealousy faded. Erdi eventually became my best friend, and being his big sister became one of the most special parts of my life. What once felt like a loss ended up giving me more than I could have ever imagined.
References:
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2019). Helping your child adjust to a new sibling. HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Helping-Your-Child-Adjust-to-a-New-Sibling.aspx
KidsHealth. (2023). Sibling rivalry. Nemours KidsHealth. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sib-rivalry.html
Zero to Three. (2017). When the new baby comes home. Zero to Three. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/when-the-new-baby-comes-home/
Child Mind Institute. (2020). Helping kids adjust to a new sibling. https://childmind.org/article/helping-kids-adjust-to-a-new-sibling/Psychology Today. (2021). Sibling rivalry and jealousy: Understanding the roots.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-purpose/202107/sibling-rivalry-and-jealousy
